I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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