Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
birth control should be required to get into college
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
