you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
