dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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