I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
