Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
