guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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