Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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