How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel great
I just peed on a car
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
