No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
