How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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