My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
