Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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