dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
