is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
