What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
