Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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