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Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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