my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
