My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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