I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
