I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
