You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
