he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
