I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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