I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
