The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
