In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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