o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
