I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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