I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
