Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
