Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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