i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
