i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
