Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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