Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
