I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
