there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
