I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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