we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
