i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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