the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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