You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
