He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
