apparently the secret to your success is patron
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
