Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
