PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
