Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
