he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
