Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think your dad took our porno
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
