I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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