i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Found the puke drawer
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
