sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
