i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
