I feel like abortions should bother me more
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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