Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
