Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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