i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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